MSU Extension Child & Family Development

A source of frustration for many parents is expecting children to do things before they are ready. Understanding the growth and development your child goes through between the ages of birth and three years of age will ease your expectations and help you anticipate when growth and development is likely to occur. In the first article in this Michigan State University Extension series, we focused on motor skills. This article will focus on speech and language development milestones of which parents should be aware.

For children, using words to make wants known takes time and it varies when children will be consistent with this skill. It is expected that around 18 months, children will begin using a handful of words (roughly 10 - 20), but not necessarily for their wants and needs. Around the age of two, your child can be expected to use around 50 - 75 words and some 2 – 3 word sentences. By 30 months of age, the expectation is for a child to use upwards of 400 words, though many may not be used consistently. Having words doesn’t mean you total up the words a child may have said once, it means counting the words a child has used multiple times. Expect that around the age of three, a child may have over 500 words, use multiple word sentences consistently, and be confident asking for things they want and need. Many of these milestones are presented on the C.S. Mott Children's Hospital website, which offers a great resource for language development.

By the age of two, children can be expected to have the capability of following basic one and two step directions. Some examples include: get your plate and put it in the sink, go to your bedroom and get your favorite book, and take this paper and put it in the bin. Following directions becomes consistent at 30 - 36 months of age. By the age of three, most children can follow instructions based on things with which they are familiar.

Be patient as children are learning to follow directions. New tasks, questions and requests may be confusing for them. It can take up to 20 tries to get a new task right and for them to remember the steps involved. A great example is the amount of time and understanding it takes to potty train. A child must realize they need the potty, tell someone, get to the potty, lift the lid, turn around, undress and use the potty. It takes multiple steps. However, as adults, we take this process for granted and don’t have to think about the steps involved.

Sharing with others can be a very difficult task for children to master. When adults speak about sharing to children, the language and communication of feelings helps to build a child’s understanding. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), children should begin to practice sharing between the ages of 3 - 4. That seems later than expected, but sharing doesn’t happen overnight and is often tied to preschool and play with others.

As adults, we know how to share. We understand the concept of sharing and when we share something, we can get it back. Children don’t have the same understanding or patience about sharing until they get close to the preschool years. It is important for adults to help children feel safe handing over the things they enjoy to others in expectation they can have a turn once again. Adults need to say, “you’ll get a turn again,” “It’s their turn now, but you will get it back,” or “let’s trade toys and then we can trade them back.” These are example statements letting children know when they hand an item over, it’s not necessarily gone forever, and they will have a chance to get it back. As an adult, imagine you are in your driveway and a stranger asks if they can have the keys to drive your car to the store. Are you handing those keys over? Probably not, because you know there is a chance you’ll never see your car again. This is just an example of how children see important items and can sometimes struggle with the idea of sharing. Parents.com offers an article by Carol Zeavin and Rhona Silverbush on “Why your toddler does not need to share with others”.

Ultimately, it is important to be patient with children as they develop and master new milestones. Often, parents want their children to develop faster than is appropriate or necessary. All children follow a specific path for development, however, they will not all develop at the same time. Remember, expectations are important for parents but the child is going to do things when they are ready and not because they are being pressured. MSU Extension has created Parenting the Preschooler fact sheets and articles to help with understanding expectations for entering the preschool years.

You can learn more about child development, parent and caregiver webinars and family activities by visiting the MSU Extension Child and Family Development webpage and the MI Stronger Family Facebook page.