Look for the helpers: Talking with young children about tragedy
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Email“When I was a boy and I would see scary things on the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’” — Fred Rogers
When disasters occur and unfold across the media, children are bound to have questions. Whether they see disturbing images of floods on television, overhear conversations about war or terrorism, or pick up bits of scary stories from friends and social media, their understanding of the world may become colored by fear and confusion.
Parents and caregivers can support children through these moments by helping them focus on safety, not fear. One powerful starting point is Fred Rogers’ timeless advice: look for the helpers. Amid chaos and sorrow, there are always people rushing in to help.
Michigan State University Extension offers the following advice on how to talk about tragedy with children in a compassionate, developmentally-appropriate way.
Turn off the news
When tragedy strikes, adults may feel drawn to stay informed—but the 24/7 news cycle isn’t designed with children in mind. Graphic headlines and repeated imagery can intensify anxiety in young viewers. Limit your child's exposure to media coverage of violent or disturbing events. Be mindful of adult conversations within earshot of young ears. MSU Extension recommends being especially cautious during breaking news coverage.
Start with what they know
Ask open-ended questions like, “What have you heard?” Some children may know very little, while others may have absorbed confusing or frightening details. Avoid giving unnecessary graphic information. Instead, offer simple, honest explanations.
For example, in the case of a tornado, a caregiver might say:
“A big storm called a tornado happened in another state. It caused damage to some homes and buildings. Some people were hurt, and others had to leave their houses. But helpers like firefighters, ambulance workers and neighbors came right away to help people. The storm is over now, and people are working together to clean up and rebuild.”
This kind of message reassures children by offering facts gently, emphasizing the response and highlighting safety.
Focus on safety and the helpers
Children feel more secure when they understand that adults are working to keep them safe. Talk about the many people who play protective roles in their lives: police officers, firefighters, teachers, principals, babysitters—even neighbors or family friends. Encourage your child to identify the trusted adults they could turn to in different settings—at school, at grandma’s house, at sports practice, etc.
Spend time with your children
After a tragedy, children may show a need for extra connection. Be available. Watch for emotional cues—like lingering near you, seeking physical closeness, or asking more questions. Use children’s books as conversation starters. There are many great books that can help children understand and cope with tragedy. Books like “The Rabbit Listened” by Cori Doeerfield emphasis the important of empathy and simply being present for someone when they’re sad. The Kent District Library offers a a list of books that are helpful to talk about tragedy with children.
Expect and normalize emotions
Children may express sadness, fear, anger or confusion. Some may connect current events to their own experiences of loss or trauma, such as losing a pet, moving homes, or being in a car accident.
Let your child know their feelings are valid with statements like:
“You felt really scared when that big thunderstorm came through and the tornado sirens went off. We went down to the basement. The storm was loud but it passed by us. We were safe.”
Draw helpful comparisons as you talk to children in these tough situations. “The firefighters and helpers came to help after the tornado, too. Some people were scared, but now they’re safe and people are helping them rebuild their homes.”
Keep it age-appropriate
The goal of these conversations isn’t to explain every detail of a tragic event. It’s to support your child’s emotional needs, help them feel safe, and provide a framework to understand the world. Avoid overwhelming your child with detailed safety plans or frightening scenarios. Instead, prioritize emotional reassurance and encourage questions. Provide safety plans at a different time.
Prepare yourself first
Before opening these conversations, take time to reflect and gather your own thoughts. Learn information about what happened. Use trusted resources to help guide your conversation like MSU Extension, PBS Kids Parent Resources and the American Academy of Pediatrics Healthy Children website. Being emotionally prepared helps you guide the discussion with calm and confidence.
Final thoughts
Tragedies like tornadoes, terrorism and gun violence, and the death of loved ones are an unfortunate part of life. Whether your family is directly impacted or not, being ready to have these conversations in a thoughtful, age-appropriate way helps children feel protected and empowered.
As Fred Rogers reminds us, even in darkness, the helpers are always there. Help your child see them and know they are surrounded by care.
